We usually do not ask the Universe for what we really want. We ask for what we think it looks like, so when we get what we ask for, we are disappointed.

We usually do not ask the Universe for what we really want. We ask for what we think it looks like, so when we get what we ask for, we are disappointed.” Once we have made a commitment we have focused our energies that focus creates a clear direction for the Universe to interpret and help guide us towards. Focus brings clarity. Once our desires are focused we are clear. Once we are clear our goal is understood and immediately the Universe begins to work. Having this focus means trusting that the Universe will guide our steps, even if it is not where we think it should be. It may not even be where we want it to be. The external world dominates our thinking and we make our plans based upon its rules. The Universe does not act in terms of physical categories, or forms, it acts in terms of the need to be filled on a soul level.

A position may appear before me, or someone may speak to me regarding a particular career and I will decide that it is what I want. This position or career stimulates within me a feeling of satisfaction, or accomplishment. That feeling is why I want that position, and so it is the feeling and not the position that the Universe will bring to me. The position is only the form that I assume will provide the feeling. It is the box that I assume contains what it is that I really want. This understanding is critical.

The Universe may not bring me that particular position because in actuality that position was not going to give me what I was really looking for. It is that underlying need, that underlying feeling that Universe will bring me. So when we focus, it must not be merely on the outer appearance of what we desire, but primarily on the feeling we anticipate that it will fill us with.

The ego is a bag with a hole in the bottom. What is fed through the ego empties into the soul. The problem is that food for the ego is waste for the soul. The ego cannot be satiated, that happens in the soul. Do we want to feel secure, or is it the sense of achievement that we desire? What does our soul receivefrom whatever it is that we are going after? When we see ourselves with whatever it is that we seek, how does it feel? We may seek the physical form of something but it is really the essence that we perceive is contained within that form that we are after. When we are attracted to the physical form what is being drawn to that form is the ego. The ego sees the thing, the person, or the position as a way to satisfy a craving. Yet, when we attain what the ego is attracted to, we are still empty within. When we override the ego and connect with the feeling of it, we are closer to the truth. Truth is what the Universe will at all times bring to our lives.

I may think that I want John, but in fact I want what I imagine being with John will feel like. It may very well be that what I think I will feel with John is not in any way what I would actually feel from him. He may not be who I think he is. I am. However if I focus on what it is that I want to feel, and open myself to any possible way that it may be brought to me, I am in a much better position to have my real needs met. When I am clear on what qualities I am seeking in a mate, even if I am hoping it is John, it will be those qualities that the Universe will provide. If I do not get John that does not mean that I will not get what I am seeking, it only means that what I am seeking is not John.

The Universe is constantly answering our prayers. It is we, who are not really in touch with what we are actually praying for. We may have an idea of the form that we imagine it will come in, but we need to leave the knowledge of the actual form up to the Universe. We need to trust that we will get what we really want. When we obtain what the ego seeks, we temporarily scratch an itch. When we obtain what the soul is seeking, we remove the cause of the itch. If we let go and have faith, we will get the enduring quality that our soul is seeking.

This is a lesson that may take us forever to learn. Very often the Universe will give us exactly what we ask for, and often when that happens we are disappointed because it is never what we thought it would be. The ego sees a box, wants the box and gets the box. The soul opens the box to get what is inside and beholds that it is empty. The ego does not look inside. It does not even comprehend the meaning of inside. To satisfy the ego at the expense of the soul is to put a piece of tape on a hole in the dam. It will not hold. The satisfaction of the soul fills the hole with the same material that the dam itself is made of. Therefore, there is permanent repair.

What we do not realize is that the Universe may have presented us with exactly what we really wanted many times over, but we didn’t know it because we didn’t like the box. Each time that it appeared before us, we simply passed it by without noticing. Our ego was in the way. The Universe gives us what our ego asks for so that at some point we will begin to realize that the problem is not what we keep getting, but what we keep asking for.

We may be so entrenched in what we expect to see that we miss what is before us. Finally we learn that perhaps we need to look deeper to find what we really want and rephrase the request. It is valuable to go inside and dig beneath all of the layers of what we want to find out what we need from it. We need to find the feeling we are seeking. What is the experience meant to satisfy on the deepest level? Once we know what we need to feel, we will be able to focus clearly upon what it is that we want. When we can focus, we will find that we do get exactly what we want. There are as many ways to express love as there are people to express it.

There are certain things that are very difficult to recognize as adults if they were absent in childhood. If we were not given the love that we needed as children by either or both of our parents, we find it almost impossible to recognize love as adults. Love is an invisible energy that is transmitted through even the most trivial action. If you were not loved, you do not understand this. And so, you look to the world outside for almost Shakespearean expressions of love. Loving and grand shows of affection are two different things. A person who was taught to say, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, who was trained as a child to always call home, to always ask about someone’s health and well being is a person who was taught to be polite. My daughter is extremely dramatic. When she was young, she would exhibit dramatic shows of affection. It didn’t even mean that she cared, it just means that she is a drama queen. A person can be impolite, inconsiderate and unemotional and still love deeply. I have known many extremely well mannered people who went through all of the ‘shoulds’ but really didn’t care about anyone. I have known too many people who have gone through life feeling unloved, all the while turning away those who love them because they did not recognize the form that it came in.

These people, desperately seeking love, were attracted to individuals who were natural at presenting a façade of loving or even caring when in fact their actions and words were empty, or self-serving. And it is easy to fall into this because if you don’t know what it feels like – you go after what it looks like. Unfortunately love looks like air, so since we can’t see it, we search for what we normally find containing it, a balloon, so when we think that we have love, often times all we have is a balloon. One of the greatest gifts that I have received is this particular understanding. I have learned that the value of a gift lies in its value to the giver, not to the receiver or to the general public. I know that some people love me because they give me the hardest thing for them to give and that is trust. I know that other people love me because they won’t go away no matter what I do. My father never did one thing that would fit on the list of expressions of love – but I knew that he loved me when he stopped at the Howard Johnsons to have pancakes with me when I went to work with him.

Sometimes getting what we really want requires taking the time to go inside and find out what it is that we want from it. If we do this, we will find that what we want from it may be in it, or it may not be in it at all. Knowing what we need to receive from what we want to achieve will give us a far greater chance at satisfaction. It removes the appetite from being the decision maker so that we may be really nourished. If we can attract to us that which we believe we want, we will cut out a great deal of disappointment and suffering if we are not focused on what we believe that we want but we believe that we want is what we also know that we need. When we know that what we want is a box and what we need is not the box but its content, then we can accept that only God knows which box is right for us.